even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize