I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
