I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
