Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
