and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
DRUNK COOKIES
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