We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
