Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
