You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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