fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
