It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Barsexuality is the new black.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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