There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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