I'm so fucking centered right now
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
