I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize