if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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