I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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