I wish I could teleport
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
