She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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