I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
