i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
