peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
