Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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