I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
