Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
No subtext here. People are naked.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
