I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
