I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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