**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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