i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
