then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
