Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
