I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ðŸ˜ðŸ’€#pensacolaproblems
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize