went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
