Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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