I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
