I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
