she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
