Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
