I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
