We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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