Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
