a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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