I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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