We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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