Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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