wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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