You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
