So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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