dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
