Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
