Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
