Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

ya dads aren't the best wingmen

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(616): View more from Michigan

Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.

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(518): View more from New York

4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.

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(903): View more from Texas

How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.

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