dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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