remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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