i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
