Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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