Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
