I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
two words: eviction party
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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