So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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