I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
