the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize