he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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