I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
