She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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