Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize