you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
