The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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