i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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