you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
