if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
